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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

well, the first day of 2008's nearly over. which also means I've spent the first day of a new year doing homework.

reflections for 2007 (this won't be very long, i still have work to complete!)

i realised i've really changed a lot over the past year. more than i ever have in a year, perhaps. and it's not just me. people around me all have changed. they've changed so much i don't even recognise some of them anymore. even more sadly, some of those that could be considered as close friends have been reduced to mere "hi-bye" accquaintances. i guess it's no one's fault, it's just something that happens.

2007 has been a really eventful and trying year for me. it's been different from the other years because so much so much has happened, in just 365 days. which really doesn't sound like a lot.

i guess it's because of all these tests and trials i feel like i've grown quite a bit through the year, and i feel i've learnt a lot too. i guess it's all part of God's plan, to help me learn and grow, and for that i thank Him.

also, thank God for bringing some great people into my life. although might hardly see each other or talk, sometimes they appear at just the right times to comfort, and to advice.

syf '07:
Choir 126; Nanyang Girls' High Choir; Gold with Honours
my one and only syf with nychoir, i'll treasure the memories forever. the way we laughed and cried together, got pissed and sighed in despair, the way we screamed and cheered when the results were announced, the way we all knew our hard work had paid off. it was worth it, really, it was. thank you nyc, for the music, the memories, and all the joy you've brought into my life.
on another note, choir's going to be very different without the seniors around. suddenly they're gone and suddenly we're the ones in charge, suddenly we're the seniors. well, we can do it. go nyc!(:

i've screwed up quite a lot along the year, gotten myself into quite a great deal of trouble.
with the whole cutting thing, the failed friendships and the relationship, and the failing grades, the only reason i made it through the year was by God upholding me, and sending wonderful people into my life to pull me through. a big thank you to those that helped me along, pulled me back up from that deep deep rut i'd fallen into, encouraged me to hang on when i felt i was losing my grip, when i felt too tired to hold on anymore.

i think i'd never hit rock bottom yet, and i'm really afraid i will in 2008. i'm scared, really, i am. i'm scared to face the new year. i've so many hopes and dreams laid out ahead for me in this new year. i'm scared i'll dash them. there're so many more trials and tests out there waiting for me, i'm really scared, i don't know what to expect. i'm so scared i'll fail them, i'm really afraid to face them.

some hurts i've sustained this year, i'm still nursing them. but i'll get over them in time, i believe. i just need some time.

spiritually, i realise i've been rather stangant in my spiritual growth. i'll try harder this year, I'll learn and grow along the way, hopefully. in church, i guess the friendship among our gang has grown even stronger yeah. i really thank God for you guys, you know. as we were thinking back on stuff we did together when we were younger last sunday, i realised that we've really come a long long way. i've known you guys for 8 years now, and really, thank you for everything. we're all older now, more mature, and definitely much much tighter than when we first started out. it's not been really easy yeah, just the four of us, but we've come so far, and we'll go further(: i shall just thank you three individually here though you'll probably never read this.

jason: thanks for always trying to keep the peace intact with us around xD thanks for setting a good example for us, in your walk with God. thankyou for giving good advice when i need it, thanks for caring, thanks for trying to teach your "hopeless physics student" physics, and thanks for helping me get out of trouble. thanks and all the best for your As this year.

jonathan: thanks for caring, really. thanks for everything you've ever done for me, which really is a lot. we've fallen out quite a bit in the past, but i hope that'll never happen again yeah. thanks for encouraging me when i really needed it. and thanks for helping me get out of trouble too. as my xiao di di you do quite a good job of taking care of me, you know. well you really must learn to take care of yourself. don't make me worry about you.

joseph: you're the youngest of us but you're going to be the tallest soon(: it's really fun to be around you cos you're always so blur, you know. well thanks for the call that night, meant a lot to me. well, thankyou for caring. thanks for understanding when others don't, thanks for just being the one i feel i just can talk to sometimes, thanks for everything, really. and well, thanks for helping me get out of trouble too. work hard this year, okay. set your priorities right. all the best for studies and basketball!

right i'm done with that. it's interesting how our names all start with J, no? xD

306'07, you've been a great and fun class to be with the whole year. thanks alot to those that've helped me through the year too, though we barely knew each other at first.
nicole, charis, jenzi, chenyi, alina, chengxin, rachel, georgina, melwee, joy, caroline, thank you all so much<3
to all the rest, you've been great classmates, <3

to my schoolmates and seniors, thank you too. the year would have been very different without you people.
grace, ruimin, lydia, jac, jiamin, shuhui, and i'm sorry if i've missed out anyone, but thankyou for making a difference in my life, thankyou for caring<3

to those people from outside, many of you have made a difference in my life the past year too, thankyou. geoff, merv, zhijie, changzhong, louis, haha i just realised you all are now in rjc. so all the best to geoff and merv for As this year. for the rest, all the best in j1, have fun during orientation and meeting girls xD

to my immediate family, thanks mummy and daddy for everything. to meimei, you've been a great sister, though you can be quite an irritant sometimes xD
to my extended family, thank you for everything. we've gotten closer yeah, esp after this year's chalet. i've just done a post on this so i shall not repeat. whatever it is, thankyou<3

well i think i've thanked those that i remember i need to thank. if i've missed out anyone, i'm sorry. thank you anyway, whoever you are.

2007 was a memorable year, i'm kinda glad it's over yet reluctant to see it gone and to step into 2008.
2008 holds alot for me. voice concert and exam, choir concert and choir olympics, chinese Os.. a lot of these mean almost the whole world to me. i'm scared of failing, i'm afraid. i really am.
but i'll work hard. yes i will. i have to. i don't want to let everyone down yet again. i dont want this year to be a repeat of last year. i'm dropping physics, i've already let my dad sign the form. i hope i don't back out again in the last minute. i have to drop physics, or i'll never cope.

i haven't really thought of my goals and resolutions for 2008, i guess they'll be rather similar to last year's. i'll get down to writing them out some other day.

i actually still have this pile of holiday homework left. so much for a fresh new start, huh.
(:

okay this is for lydia. lydia says hi. and she says she rocks (yeah right xD).
and she says that we are partners in failure. yeah i agree. okay. done. haha.

i think i'm done. i actually have so much more to say. but homework beckons. and my bed looks comfortable. so well.
goodnight(:
it's 40min into the 2nd day of 2008.

<3
and you don't know how hard my heart still aches.

lost myself at 10:47 PM