Find it.

Friday, April 27, 2007

~~i think i'm too trusting at times.~~
and here i am again, as the third party.
trying to barge into another friendship.
trying to take someone else's friend away.

i know more than you know i know.
i find it strange how my friendships never take flight.
i find my ability to drift away from even my closest friends strange.
i think it's just me, i'm just irritating.
well, should i stop trying?
i think i should. before things turn ugly all over again.

i trusted you. you lied to me, time and time again.
i found out. but here i am, still forcing myself to trust you, to believe you.
am i stupid, or am i stupid.
sometimes, ignorance is bliss. really.

i'm trying to hate you. but i cant.
i dont know how i should be feeling right now.

it's okay, i'm fine(:

post-SYF withdrawal.

lost myself at 1:46 AM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

nyc<3

it all seems so surreal.
we did it.
it all paid of, it was worth it all.

i have to admit, i was really nervous.
i really was a nervous wreck the entire time.
and i cried so much.

while walking up stage, i told myself.
this is it.
while walking down, i thought.
that was it? it's over already?

all that we'd been working towards for the past 7months,
all that drilling, the practices, the scolding.
all the stress, the tears.
all cumulated into that 8 minutes on stage.

for that 8 minutes, the stage was ours.
we owned the stage.

even though it was not perfect,
in fact far from it.
the mood was there.
the feel was there.
i could feel all of us,
pouring our hearts and souls into the music.
enjoying every moment of the music.

even though we went sharp,
even though we rushed.
there we were,
a class of our own.

the feeling after was indescribable.
that bittersweet feeling.
the relief that it was all over.
and that something that wanted to do it all over again.
that something that wanted to relieve every moment of it again.

i teared while preparing to go up,
i was nervous. very nervous.

i teared while singing,
i was struck by the emotions, the mood, the feel,
the love that filled the stage.
i was struck by the way
80 people
1 conductor
3 songs.
one heart,
one voice,
one goal,
one choir.
i was overwhelmed, really, by the overflowing emotions, the love, by the intensity.

after it all, i cried.
for no apparent reason.
maybe just because deep down inside,
i knew that this was one and only syf as a nychorister,
and it's over.
just like that.
i don't really know.

the results.
how nervous we were.
how we waited impatiently for 1.5hrs
how nervous we all got when they were getting ready to start announcing.
the anticipation and bated breath as the number quickly increased.
the intensity when choir 125 was announced.
the way our heart stopping for that few seconds could be heard through the tension-filled silence,
as they announced.

Choir 126; Nanyang Girls' High School Choir.

Gold.
for that moment, during the excruciatingly long pause, i really thought we were just going to get a gold.

with Honours.
at that moment, everything just snapped.
we screamed, shrieked, clapped, cried.
tears of joy.
pure joy, exhilaration.
that moment was almost surreal.
dizzying euphoria.

followed by
the mad rush of messaging, calling
spreading the news, the joy.

nanyang choir; a cut above the rest.

this journey was not easy.
we fell hard, many times.
and for long periods of time.
when we seemed to be picking up,
we fell again.
many of us were in despair,
on the verge of giving up.
but we didn't.
we fought back.
and we made it.
and that's why we're nanyangchoir.

nyc, we've done it, we've finished the last lap.
and we've done well.
we enjoyed ourselves on stage, and we got the gold with honours.
i'm proud of us.

nychoir. eighty people singing three songs together with one conductor. one heart, one goal, one voice.
nychoir forever.

and the singing will never be, never be done.

thank you, nyc.
thankyou(:

nyc is love♥
i'm so proud of us(:

25042007
choir 126, nanyang girls' high choir
gold with honours

(:

~~haha, you never really did care, did you?~~

lost myself at 10:32 PM

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

tomorrow's the day
the day for which we've been training for the past 7 months or so for.
the day for which we've shed so much tears and sweat for.
the day we've been working towards to for so long.
and tomorrow, we'll own the stage.
and tomorrow, we'll sing our hearts and souls out.
and tomorrow, we'll sing like we've never sung before.
tomorrow's the day.

thinking of it gives me butterflies in the stomach. thinking of how it'll all be over in that few minutes scares me. thinking of the music we can create sends shivers down my spine.

go nyc, no matter what.
no matter what(:

i know i'm just an idiot.
i ~~hate you~~ loveyou
am i asking for too much?
are my expectations just too high?
i dont know what i want, really.
everything's just going wrong. very wrong.
~~jealous? maybe, though it seems ridiculous.~~
haha, i dont know. i really dont.
~~you're actually the only reason why i held on.~~
~~now, i dont know anymore.~~
shoot me.

~~no matter what, whatever it takes.~~

i love you, nyc.
go for it(:
feel the music, let our voices soar.

lost myself at 8:53 PM

Monday, April 23, 2007

i'm full of love for nychoir all over again.

i can't really express myself well, so let me quote.

[quote jiamin]

i know we don't have the richest sound or the most blended tone, nor do we have the most awesome dynamic control. and stuff. but when stood in front before the choir performing, i felt this dizzy sense of euphoria just from listening. then looking made me want to cry out in joy.

they all looked so engaged, so earnest. so honest, void of deceit, void of plan, void of schemes. full of wonder, full of motivation, full of the YES! zest. we compromise some things for others not of our own free will. it'd be perfect if we'd everything- the voice, the presence, the charisma. but we are not perfect. yet i know we are good, we are. we've everything else. we can capitalise on that. expand our strengths, diminish our weaknesses, just showcase our best.

lift our voices yet again? as ko matsushita says. and we are filled with so much delight :D

como touches me deep down, very deep down. it's a song which marks our hard work towards SYF, one for which we've worked hard in the past..few months? beyond that, it's a song i share with my choral ex friends. and i miss every bit of it, with the choir, it's just different. yet it's a nice kind of different i embrace. and in between choral ex and choir what i treasure is the friendship and most importantly - the BONDS we've forged. choral ex, choir. everywhere. music is amazing such that it brings wordless people together. and then they make words, and stories, about love, life and everything else wondrous.

and like how all that ended, it was full of transcient moments- we were basking in temporary eternity. similarly no matter how nyc ends this, the experience will be pure love.

[/endquote]

[quote jac]

i'm finally feeling so alive after so so long!

especially after today's practice, in the side audi door with the really good acoustics, i felt suddenly very emotional by the singing, like i've never sung before. and i could feel my eyes going "sparkly", as ms lim puts it. and occasionally i'd peek at yangzi or jiamin or yichan and just smile and bask in the happiness of singing.

SYF, really... is just simply SYF. i finally understood what;s been troubling me these days. it's the conflict between my ideals and beliefs that's been irritating me. SYF is all about the challenge and somewhat a matter of pride and reputation. and me, being a person who has the greatest trouble putting down her pride, is going all out for this SYF. and i've become so obsessed with the Honours i've lost that emotion for singing, that raging desire to sing. to just, sing.

but today i suddenly felt so open. unrestrained and somewhat free. even though i felt that my voice was a bit off today, and even though i still sighed exasperately when sop1s could not quite pitch to save their lives, i smiled in my heart. Cause i can feel that as a choir, we can see that we've gone a long way. and when i look at jiamin yangzi yichan mel and myself, i also realise that we've gone a long way since handover. we may not be the perfect and best leaders, in fact we're still far from it. but at least we all know that now we have a common goal and purpose that's bonding us and forming a close pact between us. it's not the results that we'll attain on wednesday. it's the goal of becoming performers that have confidence, that have the passion to sing anything at anytime. to become a true nanyang chorister.

and i've never felt happier with choir.

thank you nyc, i love you!

[/endquote]

[quotemelg]

Yesterday's practice was so much love. Suddenly everything came back, all the things forgotten came alive again, you could feel the emotions, we were singing out loud for the whole world to hear, shining for the world to see.

I haven't heard everyone sing like that for a long time, the music we made sent shivers down me, like electric waves(!!) I realised that I haven't felt so proud to be singing with us for a long time, I haven't felt so much, so happy, so real. It's like how we've all been so caught up with that gwh, we forget all about the passion and why we're all singing. But yesterday I felt it again, we were singing as one, singing like we could go on forever. I felt so much hope, and suddenly it felt like we could do all this together, and what we got probabaly wouldn't matter as much anymore, just because we had felt all that. We were making magic, and really, there's nowhere else I'd rather be, no one else I'd rather be singing with. And I haven't felt like that for a long time.

I really love us!! ♥ &I really felt so much love.

[/endquote]

nothing much left for me to say(:

it's all about the countless hours of practice, culminating into that few moments of magic on stage.

and in 2 days, we will own the stage.
thank you nyc, thank you for the music; thank you for the magic; thank you for the love.

and in 2 days, no matter the result, we'll keep the spirit, the passion, and be true performers, true nanyang choristers.

i love you, nyc(:

it's not that easy, you know.
it still hurts.
alot.

lost myself at 8:49 PM