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Saturday, March 17, 2007
seven wasn't enough. two more.nine wasn't a nice number.one more.ten..i do try very hard to keep my promises you know. you just won't understand.
lost myself at 1:56 PM
i think i sersiouly shouldnt have gone yesterday.sorry to everyone for spoiling everyone's mood.thank you meiling, thank you belbel, thank you iris, thank you melwee, thank you peilih, thank you georgi, esp thank you and sorry chenyi. was trying to comfort you and ended up with you having to comfort me. and thanks for the heart lollipop<3sorry for making all of you worry.i'm feeling better now, thanks.crying in the middle of orchard is probably the last thing i want to do again. slept quite fast last night. must be cos of the panadol i took. it made me super tired and drowsy the whole evening. but i think it made me sick. my headache got worse and i woke up aching all over and my back hurts even more and now my knee hurts too. whatever. i dont care anymore.i felt better after sitting alone for a while after everyone else had gone. thanks anyway.
lost myself at 9:24 AM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
i reallyreallyreally hate my back.i think i'm going to die of lack of sleep soon.
lost myself at 9:43 PM
thank you for always trying to make me smile/laugh.you made my day(:i'll try to smile(:and i'll try to keep my promises.
lost myself at 6:51 PM
i hate my back. i think my back hates me too.sorry and thanks to all that tried to cheer me up today esp chenyi. sorry for showing all of you my black face today. and thanks for trying to cheer me up.i'm alone at home. whee.sorry. two weeks. i couldn't take it any more. i broke my promsise again. i'm sorry.
lost myself at 2:55 PM
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
i seriously can't stand it when my dad nags. or my mum, for that matter. ohwell.i think i understand why so many composers/songwriters write emo/depressed/sad songs. i guess when you're in emo/depressed/sad moods you have more inspiration. composed another song today. quite happy with it. i just felt. inspired.created a blogskin today. quite happy with it too. considering i'm quite hopeless with html.my mum made me do a quiz to see if i'm depressed or whatnot. apparently i am. wow? today was quite an okay day on the whole i guess.i should smile more. i'm smiling. or maybe not.
lost myself at 10:44 PM
i cried. the tears finally fell.
lost myself at 2:25 PM
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
today i felt like crying. twice. but there were no tears. somehow. ohwell.you know it's hard, very hard, and tiring to keep stopping and controlling myself. just so to keep that promise.she was right. don't make promises you can't keep. but i've made one. and i don't want to break it anymore. so i'll try. hard.sometimes i just feel like a hypocrite. i try to help others, comfort them, talk to them, tell them what to do, give them love and care. when i can't even help myself. can't even take care of myself. maybe i should just stop helping. just stop caring. maybe i should just take care of myself first. but that'd be selfish. maybe i should just learn to give more. and take less. because ultimately, it's those around me that matter. i'll give, till i have nothing more to give.i know how you're feeling, i know you need love. i know you need someone to talk to. i know, because i too feel what you feel. i can be that someone. talk to me. i can give you the love you need. when you feel like crying, come and talk to me. i might cheer you up. or i can cry with you. i'll always be here for you. i'll give you all i can. what are friends for?
lost myself at 4:01 PM
my mind decided to be nice and gave my body relatively more sleep last night.you probably don't understand how tiring it is to pour in heart and soul everytime i sing. i don't blame you. most people don't either. they just think choir is some slack cca where we just stand and sing and that's the end. please i beg to differ. you probably don't and never will understand how draining emotionally and mentally so sing with passion and meaning each time. you'll probably never understand why we all leave choir so tired and drained. but at the same time you'll probably never understand that passion and that desire to sing, the joy and love, heart and soul we pour into our singing. you'll probably never understand what it is that drives us to give our all over and over again, each time we sing.sometimes it seems that even 110% isn't enough.i can't believe you walked out of my life just like that.
lost myself at 2:38 PM
i wonder why i'm not tired. even after just 30min of sleep last night/thismorning.i guess i'll die young. ohwell.don't give too much. remember to take. cos although you think you're strong enough and your breaking point is still far away, you really never know. there'll always be a limit to how much love and care you can give. i thought i was strong enough, i gave and gave. and i snapped. it's been pretty long. but i'm still drained. very drained and tired. and empty. i dont want you to end up like that. cos i need you. you're right, many other people do too. but you cant just keep giving to everyone. you have to learn when to stop. cos i dont want you to end up like me. i dont want you be drained. esp if i'm part of the reason.i'm sorry, and i'll try to keep my promise. i will.i really hope i can sleep tonight.
lost myself at 12:15 AM
Monday, March 12, 2007
has it come to the point where. i can no longer enjoy singing as much as i used to?i can no longer feel the music as much as i used to?i can no longer freely sing without being distracted by other worries?i feel so emotionally and mentally drained after singing?i feel i have so much more to give, but at the same time feel like i can't give any more?i can no longer sing without worrying about technical stuff?i feel so empty even when singing?i feel like my soul has left me and i cant find it back even when singing?i even fear singing individually?i can no longer feel the passion as like before?what's wrong with me? i cant even enjoy something i love doing so much.what's wrong with me? someone tell me please.please.
lost myself at 8:21 PM