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Friday, March 02, 2007
i'm sorry. i know you're trying to help. i know you really care. i know you really love to care. but i know you're tired. you can't help everyone. you can't love everyone. you'll just drain youself out. you're already tired. i can see that. you know that for yourself. i know you care and you really want to help me. and i really appreciate that. but please don't get affected by what i do. it's not worth it, really. it's not worth being hurt when i am. you live your life for yourself and not for others. because it's not possible for you to keep giving. it really isn't. i really don't want you to get hurt because of me. you're right. when will enough ever be enough? i'm really sorry. i know you're tired. so maybe you should just stop caring about me. cos there'll be more people worth caring for. i'm not worth your time, effort and hurt.please, i'm really sorry.
lost myself at 11:47 PM
what's worse than hurting is not knowing what you're hurting about.
lost myself at 12:43 AM
i'm numbed.pain doesn't hurt anymore.pain eases pain.temporarily.it hurts when you care, because i know i'm making you worried, and it hurts me to see you worried.i try. i do try. i try to be high and happy and cheerful so that i won't affect the people around me. i try to laugh and scream and play so that people around me would be happy. i choose to smile even when i don't feel like it so that people would smile back at me. sometimes, in class when some people are just so high and cheerful and some people are just sad and crying, i really dont know what to do and feel. should i just be high and happy or sad and emo. it's a very lost feeling. like you just can't fit in. and i try, because i know you are worried and because i don't want you to be worried because it hurts me to see you worried about me. sometimes, some things can't be expressed in words. i've never been good with words. and some things i'd rather keep to myself. some hurt, i'd rather pick up from by myself. because i don't want to hurt anyone else along the way. i'm really afraid to hurt any one else because of my selfish stupid little problems. it'll pass, eventually. i'll be better, soon. the hurt will fade, by and by. and everything will be just okay. i wish.i hope i'll be fine, you'll be fine, everybody'll be fine, everything'll be fine, by obs. thankyou for caring.
lost myself at 12:24 AM
Thursday, March 01, 2007
thank you 306.i know i haven't exactly been the easiest person to get along with these 2 months or so. i haven't been nice or anything, and i never really made the effort to get to know any of you better. and my weird moods haven't exactly been making matters better.so. i'm sorry for the times i've been irritating, i'm sorry for the times i seemed unfriendly. i'm sorry if i didn't return your smile, i'm sorry if i didn't reply you when you talked to me, i'm sorry for- everything.i'll change, i promise. i'll make an effort. really. i'll try to bond with the class, i'll try to get to know everyone well, i'll try to be someone anyone can turn to for help. i'll try- to be a friend.thank you, threesixers who have tried to be a friend to me and to help me. and one day i hope i can be the one there for you should you need help.and i really hope we can bond well as class 306'07 406'08.thank you threesix.
lost myself at 1:26 AM
Dear God,thank you for my friends, for those that truly care; for all those wonderful people out there.thank you chou ash nicole caroline deb charis laiweng nel ruimin grace huimin shaun cz and whoever else i missed out; thanks for caring, thanks for being my friend, thanks for just being there.thankyou.
lost myself at 12:52 AM
Monday, February 26, 2007
i'm sorry.i didn't keep my promise.
lost myself at 7:22 PM