Thursday, April 19, 2007
i really dont know what to do anymore.socially unacceptable?always wishing for the impossible.&my heart just tore into a million different pieces, scattered by the wind.it's just me, my fancies, my wishes, my wild thoughts.and you'd never know, never find out.cos i dont dare to let you know, i dont you to find out.my hopes, my dreams, just erased.just my wishful thinking.one day less to be living - les miserableshow true. time ticks on and on. no matter what, it'd be over. second after second.somehow i can't wait for that second, when time stops ticking.how i wish to be able to live in my fantasies.but they're called fantasies for a reason.fantasies, defined as imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained, a mental image, especially when unreal or fantastic.unreal, fantastic, extravagant and unrestrained.really, why can't we live in fantasies. wouldn't that just help all of us live happier lives?best friends.nope, i don't have onewho wouldn't want a best friend?at least, i do.who would't want someone who would actually stand by you, no matter what the circumstance. someone who can read your thoughts faster than you can voice them. someone who doesn't need to say anything, but whose presence is comforting enough. someone who you'll be sure'll be there for you. someone you can be with, and feel secure with. someone you can talk to about anything and everything. someone who'll always have enough time for you. someone who understands you even more than you understand yourself. the list goes on. i mean, who wouldn't want someone like that?i know i do.but then again, i've never really had a best friend. i've never known what it feels like to share that close bond with that someone special, that best friend. i've never known the assurance that that someone'd be there, waiting with open arms for me. i've never known the comfort of having that someone's shoulder just ready there for me to cry on even before i realise myself that the tears are about to flow. i've never known the joy of having that special someone to share all the happy moments with naturally. i've really never known what it is to have a best friend.somehow or another, i never seem to click with anyone that well. it was like that all through primary school, sec one and two. and now. i thought that with a new class, i would be able to get a really close friend. best friend, even. wishful thinking on my part. somehow or another, i manage to screw up all my friendships, and we end up drifting apart. even people i previously thought i could consider myself close to, we've drifted apart too. maybe just a 'hi' here and there when we meet. somehow, they just seem to be becoming mere aquaintances. it's quite saddening, really.but it's no one's fault, but my own. perhaps i never bothered to actually put in effort to get to know others better. perhaps, it's the way i communicate. perhaps, it's just me. sometimes, when i feel like i'm getting closer to a person, i wonder. am i taking someone else's best friend away? am i tearing apart their friendship? am i being the third party? and sometimes, i'll realise that we never were really that close after all, and it was all my wishful thinking, a figment of my imagination. and after a while, it degrades to being just mere aquaintances. it is a painful process.maybe my expectations are just too high.right now, i don't really know how many friends i really have. there's a fine line between friends and aquaintances. friends, aquaintances, they seem the same, the line's blurred. and i wonder if those friends really are friends, or just aquaintances, and that it was just my imagination and wishful thinking all over again. close friends? even worse. none. maybe, it's not that i dont treat anyone as my close friend, just that they don't treat me as one. it's just not reciprocated. and in the end, when i realise that fact, i just get even more hurt.even that person. the one i thought i'd become quite close to. the one i hoped that maybe, just maybe, could fill that void of a close or even best friend. just wishful thinking on my part. again, a figment of my imagination. we never really were that close. well, it hurt. it still hurts. but you'll never know. because i never told you. and you never realised. maybe, for the better.i don't know. i don't want anything much. i just want that one friend. i'm waiting, i'm seeking; for that person i can regard as my best friend.and i don't know if i'll ever find one.but to all those out there, no matter if you see me as a good friend, friend or just an aquaintance, i love you. i do, no matter what.Come what may
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Come back to me, and forgive everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day
again, another incoherent post.5days. nyc, we can do this. feel the music, the meaning. and love every moment of it.
