Friday, April 21, 2006
i hate myself.
i hate myself for binging even though i promised myself not to.
i hate myself for spending so much money even though i promised myself not to.
i hate myself for slacking even though i promised myself not to.
i hate myself for running so slowly even though i promised to push myself harder.
it's hard to survive in a sports class like mine when you're a stupid fat loser choirist like me during PE and especially during napfa.cos when i see them run 2.4 and the 5 items i feel like a loser cos i cant do them.and during track meet.you see them run and win for the class.then you wish you could do something for the class too.but what can someone like me do but just exist and not make trouble?
i hate it.
but on a brighter tone.
i feel loved.
i feel loved because there are classmates willing to slow down and run with me.
i feel loved because there are classmates willing to give up their place in their sabbatical module and join some unwanted one with me just because there was nothing else for me to join.
i feel loved because there are classmates willing to help me with my homework.
i feel loved because there are classmates willing to help me during PE when i cant do what i'm supposed to.
i feel loved because there are classmates willing to stay until late at night to study with me.
and most importantly...
i feel loved because of God's eternal love for me.
i know He loves me,no matter what i am.regardless of whether i'm fat or skinny.regardless of whether i can run or not.regardless of what status i am of in the class.regardless of all my faults and flaws,He still loves me.
i feel loved.
<3
